It’s been almost six months to the day I last blogged. I’m definitely in a different mind-set than I was a year ago and decided I need to get myself back on track. I’ve been slacking lately with going to the gym regularly. I’m not too happy with myself as I started going to Fit-Town in Feb 2011 and never missed a day, I followed General M’s training advice religiously and alternated weights with walking on the treadmill. I actually would leave feeling energized and positive. It took me almost three months to see the difference but once that three months passed I started feeling awesome inside and out.
By early summer I’d wake up and my whole body felt slim, toned and powerful. I actually felt like I found the secret to making me happy and I felt beautiful for the first time in years. For once I was in the best mental groove of my life.
Of course with every good comes an ugly and July brought the ugly. My former life brought all those good feelings to a screeching halt and I pretty much slipped into a free fall… I’ve found myself faced with a lot of ugly stress and drama and rather than hit the gym harder to combat the feelings of frustration and grief I just stopped going for weeks at a time. My buddy Tamala says I spend way too much time focusing on the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” dance in my head instead of learning to accept what I can’t change and letting go of what I need to change. Of course she’s right and tends to pull my cart back on the road whenever I derail. I now have to tell myself daily I won’t let the negative take me down. I find myself chanting that same sentence over and over when I’m in doubt.
I’ve still been eating better and have been able to maintain my 10lb weight-loss. But without regular exercise it’s hard to keep off and even harder eating a bigger variety of things. As of this morning I am now at a 15lb loss but I attribute that last few pounds to the amount of stress that has increased my self-doubt, fears and totally torpedoed my appetite. That of course is not a healthy way to lose weight or maintain a healthy outlet so after a lot of urging and guilt by the General I’m gonna make myself go to the gym even on the days that I’d rather go home and hide in my bed.
It’s strange how God has us wired because some days I feel like Wonder Woman and on other days I feel like nothing. When I was telling my trainer, the General about this he told me the best thing I could do for myself was to take care of me and focus on the good things I could do and feel and let the negative things fall to the side. I can’t let a few bumps in my life derail what I’ve been working towards, a better me.
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